our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
