i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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