omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
