Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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