xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
