I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want her autograph on my taint
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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