Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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