I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
