Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
