He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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