Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
