Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
