sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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