No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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