Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
