Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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