There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
