i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
