You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
