You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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