It was confusing and full of hummus
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
