where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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