Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
