i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
