is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
zippers are such a cool invention
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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