i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
