peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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