Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
