Pants 0. Shit 1.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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