your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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