After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
