if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
