i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
should my penis look like a turkey
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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