I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
