and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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