Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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