Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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