One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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