i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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