I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
