I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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