I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
