Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
