thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
