I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
