you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
