reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
