remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You need a sexual gate keeper
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He has the fingertips of a God
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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