Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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