Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
