the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
