btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
