There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
