U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
