Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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