Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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