Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
