just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
