Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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