Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
