frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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