I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
