I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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