Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
