He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
