Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
