as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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