I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
