Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
