I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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