I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
