he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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