I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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