he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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