sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
