I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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