So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
