I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
