Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
