it was like his penis was on wheels.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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