why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
