my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
