Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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