Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
