Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
