I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
