Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
People in love make me want to vomit
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
